I have been making private video of and for myself for years, after finding out that as a lady on the internet, I had to deal with horrible comments about my body, even in so-called friendly spaces. I would make them anyway, often just as this weird private moment between me and my webcam, or to use for reference purposes. I decided to “rescue” the videos I did have on my hard drive and add a voiceover to describe what was happening at the time and would veer into a kind of stream-of-consciousness thing, sort of like the way that I write. In newer ones, which are unavoidably changed by intent, I tried to record myself doing things I was going to do anyway, or to kind of use it as a push to continue with self-care practices that are difficult to maintain. In these I attempt to meditate, paint my nails and watch old commercials on Youtube.
This video is part of this newsletter.